The Longest 6 Months

So once I decided to fight it took everything in me, every ounce of courage, strength, patience, and love. I fought hard for myself during that time as well. I got into a therapy program called DBT. OH My Goodness! Everyone needs DBT in their life! It stands for Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Please. Google IT.

You don’t have to have every symptom on that list to experience the therapeutic benefits of DBT! I finally found a way to be compassionate. TO myself. To forgive myself. To let go of the never-ending shame. Once I let go of the shame  I was finally Free! I immersed myself as far as I could go into the world of DBT. I’m a person that likes to learn everything there is to know about something that interests me. I don’t sleep much. So the time that I am awake I study, I research, and I learn. I graduated my DBT program in February. Four months ahead of schedule. Much earlier than anticipated. But what can I say. My life was in order, and I was finally in “remission”. In my DBT group right before I left, I shared my story. Of how I got where I was. It gave them hope. I was finally able to repay the gift I had been given, and pay it forward to so many others. There is always hope, even in the darkest of places. Keep living because you never know when the light will shine – it’s just around the corner.

While I was attending DBT I learned to focus on my family instead of myself. This is kind of funny, but I learned to play on the Playstation I bought Seth. We played Black Ops II a lot with his brothers online. Even though he wouldn’t admit it, he was impressed! I had never shown any interest in what was important to him, but for some reason everything he did I wanted to be there. To be honest I couldn’t keep myself away. I was like a newlywed again and he was my drug of choice. 🙂  I let go of myself and started to see everything I had missed while I was so preoccupied with my misery. There is so much more to that story, but I want to share the amazing part first.

December happened. Holidays are really difficult for me. Birthdays, Christmas, I have no idea why. But I reached a turning point Christmas Eve. When I told my therapist the story she shed tears of joy. She said, “Do you know what you have done??” that on that Christmas Eve, when I woke that morning on Christmas day, it was a rebirth of sorts. The symbolism of being reborn on Christmas is not lost on me. I did something that day that was uncomfortable and that I had never done before. To everyone else it might seem so simple. But for me it was the struggle of my life. Seth and I fought Christmas Eve, like normal. We were still separated and split time with the kids and we couldn’t agree on the schedule. We argued, I got mad enough to sleep in another room and I KNEW. I knew it was going to be like every other Christmas. I would be upset, smile when I needed to smile. Put on the mask of pretend happiness and joy while I was crumbling inside. But not this time. I prayed. Really hard. I am not an early riser, but on that day I woke up just before 6am. No one was awake yet. I took 10 steps to the room where Seth was sleeping. I laid next to him, and just held him. And he turned and held me back. I have always let my emotions run my life, and I finally told my emotions to get out of the way, and I made my choice. To live to be happy that day. With true happiness, no masks. It was a really great day. I wish you could have been there. We often sing songs of Peace around that holiday and I was truly blessed with a type of peace I had never known.

There were still struggles of course. I constantly told Seth I loved him and he could never say it back. It was so painful. He didn’t know if he loved me. He didn’t want to say something that would give me hope. But January changed all of that. Something happened in the weeks right before the 22nd of January that brought us closer together. I’m not quite sure what it is still. But it changed us, it prepared us for what was to come. Finally the day. Please understand this and the significance. SIX months to the day my life changed forever.

Seth told me he loved me. Did you hear that?? It had been almost a year since I heard those words. “Where have you been all this time Kristin? It doesn’t matter what you are talking about, I just love to listen to the passion in your voice. I could listen to it all day long. Kristin, you are the person I met 12 years ago and I can’t tell you how excited I am to see her again. You are absolutely amazing.”    UMMMM WHOA!!

Do you get the Lash Therapy part yet? I have been in some sort of therapy all my life. DBT was a miracle, but so was joining Younique. Being part of this company is some of the best therapy I have ever had. The women I work with welcomed me with open arms and they are phenomenal. They appreciate my contributions. I immediately made five new amazing friends. I have struggled all my life to have relationships. But these girls don’t judge. They want to help me succeed. To put positivity at the forefront of my life. I decided to give myself a challenge of 30 days. 30 days to see if working in this business would do anything for me. Why not take the chance, right? So I dug deep! I put everything I had into building, reaching out, letting my introvert self fade away. In those 30 days I did 2 trade shows, I added 4 people to my team, and I advanced 4 levels in the company in record time. And I made money. Good money! It was amazing. I now have my own team of 30. We are in five states already. And do you know what? I feel I have already won. I already achieved what I wanted. I got Seth back. And I give a lot to my team. I am empowering them with tools to find success on their terms. We are supportive, helpful and kind and I would absolutely do anything to help them succeed and they know it! They need Younique therapy just like I did — thus “The Lash Therapist”

Then there is this: Seth and I are better than we have been in 11 years. We talk every day about the plan for the days and weeks to come. It is the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. There is happiness and joy in my home every single day! If you read my Facebook wall you will see it as well! I can’t help it! I needed to write this blog so you can see, Look at what is possible? Do you understand? If you don’t, I will show you more!  

It was late when I posted this. But I needed to get it out. I will edit later! Thanks to everyone who read this LONG post!! Thank you to my readers! I don’t know who you are, but thanks for reading my stories. This is the most honest thing I have ever done. And the more I write, the more it heals me.