Why I Left Younique

** Everything written here is based upon my own personal experiences. All opinions are my own.**

What is done in the dark always finds its way to the light.

If you have never been in direct sales you may not understand this post. That’s okay. Just come back next week to read how Seth and I met. It is such a fun story.

Back to business. I started writing this post a few weeks ago with a specific intention. I wanted to document my first experience in the world of Direct Sales. What I loved, what I didn’t. What I wish I would have done better and the positive changes I can make going forward. I had decided to leave Younique months ago. LimeLight just happened to come along at the perfect time with better products at better prices. I actually vowed to never join another direct sales company after my experiences with Younique, but I couldn’t pass up the incredible opportunity to work closely with one of my best friends again. She was the one who inspired me to start writing this blog. She is my soul sister, my partner in crime. I feel very blessed to learn and grow in the LimeLight community with her. I am also incredibly grateful to get the opportunity to make a fresh start.

Please know I never had any intention to write THIS. I really thought I would let it go and try to move on….

But then I started to see friends around me that left Younique bullied and harassed. I saw grown women tear each other apart. I saw top leaders making hateful videos in their training groups vilifying other women who were just trying to make a positive change for themselves and their families. Lies started being spread to undermine their credibility. Can you even imagine that all of this chaos stemmed from a decision to leave a cosmetics company that no longer provided a positive experience? I’m pretty sure it is an okay thing to do. Things change for people all of the time and you have to learn to adapt.

Watching all the hatefulness was a wakeup call. The shame, lies, misunderstandings. Then the coverups. I have seen some of the most ugly things this last month on social media. I don’t know in any other profession where this type of bullying would be tolerated. And yet in the Younique community that I experienced it is pervasive. I honestly can’t wrap my mind around it. It is heartbreaking for me that people are scared. Scared to leave a direct sales company!! Does that even make sense? I have people scared of the backlash and of being bullied. The messages I get from women in this exact position make my heart hurt. But the sad fact is they aren’t wrong. Those of us that have been with the company for years and were high in the ranks or have a big following ARE experiencing those exact things. I personally know of 10 people right now who have quit, but are scared to tell anyone because of their rank within Younique.

Much of the shame game they played for those of us that left the company was that only ‘losers’ quit. They made Periscope videos about it. And this all came from some of the top leaders at the company. They began to engage in passive aggressive bullying in their posts on Facebook. It was painful to watch.

Younique did provide me with an outlet for a while. It gave me confidence. It made me happy. I moved up in the ranks really fast to the second highest status in the company. And then things changed. People changed. Products changed. Which meant I had to make a change. I no longer felt like I could stand behind the company or its products with honesty and integrity.

 “If you are physically able to work from your phone then there are no excuses. Even if you are in a crazy accident and lost all your fingers, you can still figure out how to voice chat. I’m tired of people telling me that, ‘Oh, I’m in the middle of a big move. Oh, I just had a baby. Oh, my dad just died. Oh, my marriage is ending.’ Those are personal. You can take a few days off. But separate your personal from your business. If you don’t work your business you are hurting your family and others. No excuses.”

This was a statement made by one of the top leaders in the company a month ago. I personally believe in leadership not dictatorship. If that is what it takes to be successful then I guess I don’t want success. I don’t ‘Bleed Purple’. My family comes first. My faith comes first. And I would never ask anyone to “bleed” for a company.

Do I regret joining Younique? No. Do I wish I had handled some of the challenges better? Of course. The company exploded overnight and it was really hard to keep up with the hyper growth. We had minimal training. In fact we had to build our own. But without Younique I would not have gained the skills necessary to move on and be successful in so many different areas of my life.

Younique’s Mission:

Uplift. Empower. Validate.

People crave validation so I understand why it would be part of the mission statement. But it is something that I never experienced there. I was ignored and dismissed by my leaders, by Corporate. When I had concerns I was told to just “be positive.” If you ever had a question or concern you could not ask it in the team groups without it getting deleted. I understand not letting negativity breed more negativity. But concerns need to be addressed and dealt with. Not shoved under the rug never to be discussed again.

The positive in all this is that through these struggles I have been Empowered to find my voice and speak my truths whether good or bad. I have learned what it means to feel truly Uplifted. And I understand the value of Validation in all areas of my life.

So many of you will have no idea what I am even talking about. Your experience with Younique will be no where near what mine and others was. That is okay! I am truly grateful that is the case for you.

In fact when I first joined Younique, I was over the moon excited! I was going through some really difficult and intense things at home and it was the perfect way to feel part of something bigger and it gave me chance to join a community of remarkable women.

I gained friends who (for the most part) loved and supported me. The 3D Fiber Mascara was AH-mazing! The skincare line of Awake Face Wash and Brilliant Moisturizer was flying off the shelves because they worked so well. These were three phenomenal products that I could sell in my sleep! It truly was the best.

***AT THE TIME***

First, they decided to get rid of Awake and Brilliant and replace them with other products. They added fragrance and other ingredients that would never be considered “naturally based” which for me is a big problem because I am sensitive to everything. We were never made aware that it was such a drastic change.

But let’s talk for a minute about the “Magic Mascara”.

The 3D Fiber Lash Mascara is what put Younique on the map. It is their flagship product and their #1 best seller. This summer the company decided to change the formula of our famous mascara by inventing an entirely new product that they called 3D+. They made it this “epic” announcement that said they had been working on this formula for 18 months and truly felt they had perfected it.

So I got my set of 3D+ and I had already heard mixed reviews. I figured it couldn’t be that bad though right? Well, wrong. It was horrible. And don’t assume I didn’t try to make it work. I went through 7 different sets of 3D+ all from different batches with the same result. It made my eyelashes hard and brittle and my eyes would get extremely irritated. I have VERY sensitive eyes which I why I gravitated toward Younique in the first place. They always advertised how natural the products were. I could actually wear mascara for the first time in 2 years with the regular 3D.

Yet Corporate ignored our complaints. Top leaders told us to keep quiet and stay positive. And then months later made excuses and said they were going to “work on” the formula. I personally am still getting complaints to this day. Anyway… Start doing your own research. The information is out there. They reformulated almost all of the products. Check the past ingredients against the current ones. And even after almost 6 months and “fixes” to the 3D+ I still cannot get it to work.

My mom has been my biggest supporter and cheerleader throughout my Younique career. She loves the products and so I had her try the 3D+ and she had the same experience as me. She also went through 4 different sets and had to fight with Customer Support through email to get new ones sent out to see if she could get better results. There was never an improvement and she went back to using drugstore mascara.

Some may or may not have noticed around August that I completely stopped working my business. I felt I could not ethically sell this product to my customers and friends and still sleep at night. But most importantly, I didn’t want anyone to join my Younique team under false pretenses about this “amazing” mascara and products, so I stopped offering this opportunity to anyone. I even discouraged it.

Since you are reading this I want you to be aware of something. There is risk in speaking out. Women that have left Younique have been threatened with lawsuits by the owners of the company so I have been careful with what I write. Literally everything I have written here can be backed up with screenshots or videos. I’m not naive. I currently have 2200 screenshots saved and cataloged documenting the events over the last two years. But especially over this past month with all the disturbing things that happened.

There are so many more truths I could share. I wish I could tell you everything. For those that have experiences similar to mine, you know what I shared is just the tip of the iceberg. I think you all would be really curious to know what happens after you leave the Younique world. Especially how you are treated by Corporate and those people still within in the Younique bubble. Those stories will come to light eventually. Truths don’t remain buried for long. I honestly hope everything gets worked out and somehow the culture at Younique will change. I have many amazing friends that I still love and support there. Please know I will always be here to cheer you on no matter where life takes us.

 

Wishing you Love and Light,

xoxo – Kristin

If you haven’t read my other blog posts that I wrote the past few years you should start. Don’t make judgments about me without taking a moment to understand the full story. I have laid my soul to bare on these pages without one regret. I cover sexual abuse and rape, traumatic brain injury. mental illness, divorce, struggling with motherhood. And who can forget … falling off a balcony and a few months later being run over by a car. This is my very first post talking about Younique so obviously I found it important enough to share next to those other difficult topics.

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Bullying and the Mob Mentality

First I want to welcome all my new blog readers! This is a very personal blog and I write with complete honesty about situations I have experienced. It is the only way that I can survive. And thank you so much for all the kind messages I have received the last few days!

So, in going back through my blog I have 4-5 drafts, but I haven’t published a post since January. No wonder my life has felt so off-balance lately. My blog has become a place of healing and growth. I have missed it and the clarity it provides.

There has been so much change recently that I need to backtrack and get my blog caught up to the present. This is probably a really great thing because it will help me take a big deep breath and gain some perspective on the things that are currently happening. Maybe going back to other experiences will help me not write things I may regret. Perspective is never a bad thing. But, yes, that blog post halfway done and it will be published. 

So join me and let’s dig back in the chaos and fill in the gaps. My last post was in January, so I am going to start there. Want to know something crazy? The only way that I can remember and differentiate parts on my life is through the pictures in my phone. It is my official memory jogger. My brain has an amazing way of protecting itself from painful events, but pictures always tell the story.

Right at the end of January I experienced something incredibly painful. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would have to deal with this once I became an adult.

Cyber Bullying

It was really ugly. I hadn’t felt that vulnerable and scared in a long time. For those that have read previous posts, you know that I have a history with years of bullying and abuse when I was young. I was really shocked that at the age of 34 I would be dragged in to that madness again. I try hard to insulate myself from outside influences, but you can’t control everything or the way people feel. The interesting thing is that these were women much older than me, threatening me with pictures of guns and violence. Seriously? They threatened to come to my home and physically harm me. They knew where I lived. It was absolutely insane and incredibly scary. Honestly, my brain still has a hard time comprehending the entire experience.

Why do people think that putting these horrible things online for the world to see is okay? Do they think that somehow the pain and hurt they are causing is not as cruel if they are doing it in texts, posts or comments on Facebook? Maybe it doesn’t feel as real to them.

I’m going to add a few of the images to my blog that “they” posted on Facebook, only because I want you to see what the face of bullying looks like online. Sorry about the language. I may remove these later depending on how I feel about it tomorrow. And of course, these don’t contain the entire post or the 50+ comments. It got ugly fast.

EDIT: So one of the people I am writing about in this blog post apparently still stalks me. How unfortunate that she wastes her time on something so negative. She has a complaint against me via WordPress that I am in the process of appealing. That is why one of the graphics is not viewable.

The really interesting thing was the reaction from the people who knew about the situation and why it started. When I showed them what was happening, there wasn’t even a “Wow. That is really messed up.” Their reaction made me feel like I deserved the abuse. In my mind I must be horrible if people are talking about me the way they were, right? I don’t know if that feeling makes sense to you unless you have experienced this type of harassment first hand. I felt an overwhelming sense of shame.

The Mob Mentality

Now that we have covered a little of what happened earlier this year, I want to talk about the Mob Mentality. Because when they posted these pictures, friends of theirs who had NO information whatsoever on the actual situation started chiming in. Of course right?Because hatred is contagious when they “perceive” an injustice. First off, bullying and the mob mentality is a dangerous combination. It can quickly spiral out of control because it fuels the bully’s ego and makes them more confident now that their hatred has been validated by their peers. Social media has become the biggest bully pulpit in the world. Could they say those exact same words in person? Or is it only because they have the comfort of a screen and hundreds of miles between us?

In my blog post called “Growing Pains” I talked about my experiences as a teen with bullying. What I didn’t talk about was what happened years later when I talked with a guy who joined in with THE crowd. He laughed along with the others and here is his reason why. He told me that he didn’t want to become the focus of their hate, so he felt like he had to go along with it. No, he didn’t like what was happening to me, but he didn’t think his voice alone was strong enough to stop it.

I understand the fear of being left behind or placed in the bully’s crosshairs. It’s absolutely human nature for us to want to go along in order to be included in the group. There is safety in numbers and it’s never fun to be unpopular. I know that first hand. I was bullied, harassed and generally made to feel like I existed just for a certain group of classmates’ amusement. It has made me a paranoid person who still feels anxiety in certain social situations. In writing this post I have decided that I actually have an issue with the term “bullying.” It projects an image of teasing and/or whispering behind each other’s backs. In fact, bullying is more physical violence, sexual humiliation and deeply personal attacks.

I want to be part of a group that is loving, hard working, accepting and won’t tolerate hate in any form. Call it naive, but that is my hope for the future of our human race. Revenge is not the answer. It only adds fuel to the fire. I’m talking about extinguishing the fire by teaching others how to be brave enough to stand up to a bully, and not go along with a crowd when it means giving up your humanity in order to be included. Who wants to carry that type of burden and guilt?

I will be talking a lot in my upcoming blog posts about the Power of Validation. I have only learned about this recently and it has been a game changer in my relationships. If you are ever in a situation where you don’t know what to say to someone who is struggling or in pain, then find a way to validate their feelings. I will give really great examples in a different post. But one of the best, is

“Wow. I can’t even begin to imagine how hurt you must be feeling right now. That must be incredibly painful to have them post those horrible things about you to the public.”

Part of validation is restating what they told you by using simple and precise language so they know you were listening. Do NOT ask if they are okay. Do NOT ask how you can help. Just validate their experience whether you understand it or not. It might sound simple, but it is truly powerful and can quickly deescalate a situation. People want to know they have been heard. That is why you don’t tell them that you know how they feel, because it minimizes their feelings. It takes practice. If you want to know more about validation, click here.

Fun Fact: Validation is one of the core skills of Dialectical Behavior Therapy. (The greatest form of therapy on the planet!)

xoxo,

Kristin

The Damaged part 1

For someone with Borderline Personality Disorder to write the things I did in this post, I had to pull some MAJOR skills out of my tool box. I will cover in Part 2 the DBT Skill called “Distress Tolerance”. It is a tough skill to learn, but amazing if you can master it. My parents might need to use that skill while reading these posts.

I am taking a deep breath right now and hoping I can make it through writing these stories out. These are things that have been haunting me since they happened. And it isn’t fair to not include them in my story. They will be the hardest posts I have written to date, which might be surprising based on my previous content. So fasten your seat belts… I’m not sharing these stories on a whim. I rarely talk about these times in my life, but I feel it’s really important to share my experiences because so many young girls are still going through what I went through. Relationship violence and date rape are devastating young lives. It’s time to put an end to the abuse…..and it’s time for everyone to understand that actions have consequences.
I share this story to let girls everywhere know that you are strong……and you are not alone.

I like facts and statistics so let’s begin there.

You should be able to click on the photo to make it easier to read. But let’s start with the very sad statistic that 1 in 4 women have been raped or suffered attempted rape. As I struggle to write this I am going to keep that in mind. Because there are too many of you out there who this has happened to and someone needs to shed some light and open the freakin door and say THIS IS NOT OKAY!

I was 18 years old I had already been through so many tough experiences. I had suffered extreme bullying. I had been using prescription drugs as a way to control my life, and to be honest, I just didn’t care much about anything. Thankfully I was able to attend college instead of going to my senior year of high school and it was a great way to get away from the people that made my life a living hell. Let’s be honest, I was all around pretty mad at the world. So I didn’t take the precautions that I hope and pray my daughters will take when going on a date.

I dated pretty much anyone and everyone. I really didn’t care who. I just wanted to have fun and escape my problems. We were just getting into the age of meeting people online and I met and dated a few people from there. And one person I went on a date with was just a cute guy I met at a gas station. I was impulsive and loved surprising people so when he talked to me, I responded back.

I really want to highlight the fact that “25 percent of men surveyed believed that rape was acceptable if the woman asks the man out, the man pays for the date or the woman goes back to the man’s room after the date.” ALSO … 33% of guys said they would rape someone if they knew it would go undetected. WHAT THE HELL is that about?

So I went on a date with the cute guy I met at the gas station. He bought me dinner. We both liked to play video games and so I went back to his house where he had told me people would be there to play a new video game he had purchased for us. When we got there no one was home but he said they would be back anytime. “Don’t worry.” he said. He turned on the video game console and I didn’t really think much about it at first. UNTIL he asked me if he could get me a drink. I remember joking with him, “Yeah right, I’ll get my own water. Don’t want you spiking my drink. haha” Just so you know. The entire time I was at his house “waiting” for the other people to get there so we weren’t alone, my intuition/inner spirit/heavenly angels were SCREAMING at me to leave! The sirens were going off inside my head and heart and the panic started to set in. He drove on our date so I didn’t have a car, but I should have called someone to pick me up. And even though nothing had happened yet, if I HAD a car I hope beyond hope I would have mustered up the strength and courage to trust my instincts and go.

I’m going to be real with you for a second. I feel like as a society, women have been trained to be too polite, especially with the culture in Utah. I don’t know how many times I have done something just so the other person didn’t feel uncomfortable even though it made my skin crawl. I’m not sure how to overcome this problem, but it needs to start being addressed.

Anyway, that was that. My first sexual assault and attempted rape. I resisted hard enough and kicked him in enough sensitive places that he swore at me and finally let me go. And after all that he ended up driving me home as fast as his truck would go. He wouldn’t even take me all the way to my house. He told me I didn’t deserve for him to waste his gas taking me anywhere (as his squealing tires took each curve). “What did you expect you bleep bleep bleep?? I bought you dinner and everything.” And these are the words of the entire experience that I will never forget. “What did you expect? I BOUGHT YOU DINNER”

After that I called a friend of mine. He told me to go to the police. I knew that I couldn’t. I knew that I knew better than to go to his house. I knew that I should have worn something different. I knew that I should have called someone when I felt something was wrong. I knew I didn’t want to disappoint my parents. I knew that I didn’t want to be made to feel shame because he tried to rape me. Because all those things added up to this in my head: “It was my fault.” And no one could tell me different.

I tried to move on and just forget it all. I buried it like I did everything else uncomfortable in my life. Now this is the part that I am really dreading to write. Because you are probably going to be screaming at me as you read it.

A few months later I met a guy for a date. I took precautions. I thought I was being safe (as safe as an 18 year old can ever think she is being). I drove this time. He paid for dinner. And then we walked through part of downtown Salt Lake and I paid for dessert. We went to an art exhibit or something. Now if you didn’t know better you would be thinking.  “Okay. She is out of the woods. Safe”. But we all know that isn’t how this story goes. To be honest. I’m not sure of how the story goes. I can’t remember what made me go inside his house. For those that don’t know I am an avid reader. It is one of my favorite escapes. I’m pretty sure he told me he had a first edition of one of my favorite books? I’m not quite sure. I have a few lucid memories from that night after we ate dessert. But what I do know for a FACT. He put something in my drink, drugged me, and raped me. There are moments during the rape that I can recall clear as day as I type this. I can remember thinking how was this possibly happening. I can remember how it felt to have his body press so hard against mine. I remember a few of the things he said during the assault. And I’m not going to go into too much depth. My heart is already racing as it is. 

BREATHE Kristin. I said it. Do you know how difficult it is to say the word “rape” and “me” in the same sentence? Probably not. I have worked on this post for a month. I have cried a lot. And I still cry about it. Maybe that is why I have felt so awful lately. But even through my tears right now I am telling you. I need to tell these stories and I need them to be shared. I have prayed about it and prayed HARD! Would I love to pretend that all this never happened to me? Of course. But who does that help? No one. And I can guarantee you. If the numbers are correct and 1 in 4 women are victims of sexual assault then there are FAR too many women of all ages that need to hear this!! And know that yes, my road has been hard. Harder than anyone knows. And I have suffered the unthinkable. But look at me? Through it all? I have amazing parents. An amazing Husband. Beautiful Daughters and a GOOD LIFE!! So if I can overcome, you can as well. We are Daughters of our Heavenly Father who LOVES us! We are His WARRIORS here on earth! I will continue to fight the good fight. Will you join with me? 

And by the way, if a 28 year old guy asks you (a barely legal 18 year old) out on a date … RUN AWAY NOW! That guy was 28 years old working on his PhD in some type of Molecular or Chemical Biology Engineering. AND I did question at first when he asked me on a date. Why a 28 year old guy who is getting his PhD would want to date an 18 year old girl. Now I know.

I’m going to stop here for this post because I am guessing that is a lot to take in. I will post the rest tomorrow about some of the aftermath. And in that same post I’m going to tell you about “Jay”. The guy who I dated for almost 2 years after these events who actually helped me get past a lot of this. And then, (spoiler alert) when I tried to break up with him, he attempted to kill us both. And almost succeeded. Digest that for a while.

 

Please Support Rainn! The work they are doing and light they are shedding on such a difficult topic is remarkable! Their hotline is 1-800-656-HOPE. You can call in anonymously! Here are other great hotlines as well.

You are MORE than welcome to contact me! These are tough subjects. I get it. The Comments here are NOT made public. They are sent only to me.

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Growing Pains

I always wondered what it would be like to be one of “those people” who always talk about how much they loved high school. And how they would love to relive it again. Are you kidding me? Seriously? High School is one of the most traumatizing events of a persons life. It was for me anyway. I’m not sure my theory of the connection between brain injury and hormones can be validated with science, but for me, that is when everything fell apart.

Being a 13 year old is such an awkward age. You are trying to find your identity. But really you get lost in what others think of you. And if what they think is either good or bad, then that must be who you are. Well, at least that was the case for me. Turning 13 was a game changer. I fell in with the popular crowd somehow, but I was always an outsider. This story is really painful, and I don’t know how to retell it at all. I’m not even sure there are words to describe it. But here it is, I did something impulsive, something not in line with who I was. I said something mean about a boy to one of my friends, and somehow word got back to him. And then that boy decided to make my life a living hell. To be honest, I am still afraid of running into him to this day. I was bullied to a point that I was scared to go to school. And it continued from Junior High well into High School. I never understood how that one thing that I said, one thing, could make such an impact on his life that he could take it out on me for years. How do you hold on to the hate for so long?

He decided to give me a name, an ugly one that I won’t repeat. Every where I would go, in the halls, when I walked into a class, he would yell or say this name. And everyone knew that it was meant for me, and they would all laugh. Because he was the most popular boy in school, and they just wanted to fit in. Just like I did. To be honest, they were probably just grateful that it wasn’t them. I wished I was invisible. I wished I would just die, and I came up with scenario after scenario of different ways that I could make it happen. Not a day went by that I didn’t hear that name being called. It finally died down my junior year of high school. I guess the novelty of it wore off. But the damage was done.

I became obsessed. Obsessed with my weight, how I looked each day, what I wore. My OCD swept into high gear. There would be days that I couldn’t get my hair to look perfect, so I would get in the shower and do it all again, and again. I couldn’t leave the house until it was perfect. I remember forgetting my earrings one day and I went in to full meltdown mode. I drove myself home in the middle of school -who cares that I missed biology- I just had to get my earrings so the anxiety would subside.

My parents recognized that I changed. That they didn’t know who I was anymore. We went to therapy. It helped for a while. I was prescribed my first depression and anxiety medication. I was just 16. Now we are treading into scary territory for me. You would think with all the things I had talked about in this blog, that being honest about all this wouldn’t be a problem. But this still hurts. So, since I couldn’t figure out how to to take my life, I found another way to relieve the pain, by inflicting it upon myself. I mean, didn’t I deserve it? I was the one who started it right? I called the boy a name and so it was all my fault. I deserved the pain. I began something that people call cutting. It actually started by accident. I cut myself shaving my legs and the pain took over and stopped all my racing thoughts. So it became part of my life. The scars are still there, and the cutting only stopped a short time ago. Any time I have a high amount of stress in my life, unfortunately I am always drawn back to it.

The perfectionist in me needed to be in control. And in addition to cutting, food took center stage. Portion control, starving myself. Then one day, full on bulimia. That part didn’t actually start until I was in my 20’s. And this will be news to almost everyone except my husband – that I suffered with bulimia on and off for 7 years. Now, I want to address this right. These are hard things. So here is a little bit of information.

From a noted Psychologist, “We can go to any school and ask, ‘Do you know anyone who cuts?’ Yeah, everybody knows someone, and very often, kids who self-harm have an eating disorder. Many are sensitive, perfectionists, overachievers. The self-injury begins as a defense against what’s going on in their lives. They have failed in one area of their lives, so this is a way to get control.”

“Self-injury can also be a symptom for psychiatric problems like borderline personality disorder (sound familiar?) anxiety disorder, bipolar or schizophrenia. Yet many kids who self-injure are simply ‘regular kids’ going through the adolescent struggle for self-identity. They’re experimenting. I hate to call it a phase, because I don’t want to minimize it. It’s kind of like kids who start using drugs, doing dangerous things.”

I am pleading with you! If you know someone who is starting down this path. If you are recognizing even the littlest of signs. Don’t ignore it. Get them proper help! This has ramifications far beyond the teenage years.1-800-273-TALK is a really great resource available 24 hours a day. All I know is that I wanted to find someone that understood. If you aren’t that person, figure out a way to become it. Get educated and arm yourself with knowledge, compassion and love. And if you are the person who this describe please know, You are NOT alone. We understand, and there is help for you!